via Daily Prompt: Nest

At first, this word does not conjure up images of birds and unique building techniques. I mean, bird nests are amazing. It’s incredible that they have the capability of engineering their homes in the ways they do. They can be so complex! No, I get to bird nests eventually after I hear the word nest.

My initial thought is home. Not my parent’s home, my own home. I have a nest. It’s taken me almost 3 years to get almost right but I’ve finally done it. Having my own nest is difficult. Why is that? Why is it so difficult to be on your own? I’ve always (for the most part) enjoyed being on my own. Getting my nest and my surroundings just to my liking so that they reflect me. When I think about the idea of a nest it doesn’t just make think of my dwellings.

I also think of my atmosphere. My relationships. My actions. Doesn’t that represent your nest too? Maybe that’s just me. My nest isn’t just my apartment. It’s my office space. My friend’s house, the places we go, my favorite places. I think too often we limit the idea of a nest. Why have just one place where you can be yourself? Is my home my most comfortable space, yeah. Well, besides a good spot to lay in my hammock (if you have any hot tips for those types of places in NOLA, call me on Twitter).  A nest is not as limited as many people may think. Your nest is anywhere you are. At least it should be.

To make any place your nest, you have to comfortable with myself. Now, I’m not completely comfortable with myself but I’ve gotten to the point where things so bother me like they used to. It is what it is. So it’s either be comfortable enough to make anywhere my nest and feel comfortable or fret and worry about where my nest, my belonging place is. I’ve lived that life and it’s not fun.

So, my nest is anywhere I am. Where is yours?


The What If

My brain gets me into trouble. Especially when I have an extended time to myself. Does that happen to anyone else? Do you sometimes just sit and think? Think about the what ifs? Those are perhaps the most dangerous. The “what if” thoughts. They are for me. I deal with those a lot. Not that it’s right or ok. I am where I am and wondering about the “what if” isn’t going to change it.

To me the What If is a lot like the Upside Down. If you aren’t familiar with the Netflix hit Stranger Things. In this show the Upside Down is an alternate dimension, I think. If I’m wrong about that, let me know. The Upside Down is gloomy and yuck because the monsters are yuck. -Sidenote: Why slimy? Why are all alien or other dimensional beings slimy? WHY? Yick.- It’s a world where it seems that the monsters have one. That, for me anyway, is the What If. The What If isn’t always better. It’s not a ‘greener grass’ situation. I do find myself thinking about it a lot though.

Especially now. For some reason, I’ve been stuck on it lately. “What if he was still here?” “What if I never left my last job?” “What if I decided to leave?” “What if I shouldn’t have left that place?” “What if I’m wrong?” “What if I never feel like I fit ever again?” “What if I hadn’t gone to counseling?” “What if I didn’t start my meds?” and a multitude of other What If questions. Dangerous. The What If is extremely dangerous. It’s also confusing. It’s confusing because I’m not in the What If. I’m in the here and now. I’m in the place, I believe, I’m supposed to be. Yet it doesn’t really feel like it. Something about it all doesn’t fit. Which is also another dangerous thought process so I won’t go there this time.

So since I’m not quite fitting or at least feel like I’m fitting anymore, I think about the What If. I also imagine it because for some reason I was blessed with a quite vivid imagination. The What If, at this point anyway, is much worse than the Right Now. Like, scary worse. However, I get caught up in it and then it infects the Right Now. It’s confusing and very unhealthy. I know it’s something I shouldn’t do but my mind goes there easily. Too easily. I get stuck in it. However, when I come back, I’m grateful.

Yeah, grateful that the job I was supposed to love turned out to be hell. Grateful that I survived losing my first and greatest friend. Grateful that I’m working to find a place where I fit. Grateful that it’s not easy and that there have been some really, incredibly dark times. Grateful that I’ve had one person consistently stick by me. Grateful for the light difficulties and the times of maneuvering through what felt like endless trouble. Grateful to be alive because in the What If, I’m positive I’m not.

So while the Right Now is incredibly difficult at times, I’m making it through. I have found my way and will continue to. Yes, I will continue the visit the What If, as dangerous as that may be. However, if it I come out of it with gratitude, maybe the trips are worth it. Still dangerous but worth it.

Reset (An initial reflection of one of the most incredible things to ever happen.)

Sometimes, dreams do come true. Sometimes, the unexpected things reset you and make you feel like yourself, something you thought wasn’t possible anymore. Y’all, my recent (and first real) road trip to Austin, Texas did that for me.

So, the main reason for this trip to Austin was for Rhett and Link’s Tour of Mythicality. You may not know who they are and yes, they’re the dudes I’ve referred to several times on this blog. They are my favorite entertainers. Also, my favorite internetainers. They have a daily show called “Good Mythical Morning” where they move that the speed of conversation (some of you may get that tagline, most of you won’t, that’s fine). I’ve been watching GMM and Rhett and Link videos for about 4 years now. I find the show entertaining and a great way to start off my day. Also, their story is one of beauty. These two have been best friends since 1st freaking grade. First grade! They’re now 40 (well, Rhett is. Link will be 40 in June…I know a lot about these two goobers, it’s embarrassing.) and are still best friends. They’re goals as far as friendship goes. They were also extremely helpful to me personally after my dad passed away. I could watch them and feel almost like me. I could tap back into the Scooter side of myself (I should explain that and I will, another time.) I could laugh and feel some happiness. It was extremely great to come home after work had been SO crazy and just watch them and laugh. They were my friends. Which, I know, is weird but they were.

So, after they announced their book, I got extremely excited. Then, they announced they were going on tour and I knew I would be going too. At first, this was a trip I was going to take by myself. Soon after they announced the tour, I called my mom and said: “I know what I want for Christmas and my birthday.” I told her I wanted to go see them and try to get VIP tickets to meet them. Mama agreed to help so this could be my present. I got VIP tickets and my excitement reached the top of the scale.

Like I said, I was originally planning on making this trip myself. I didn’t know how I would get to Austin or where I would stay but I was determined. My mom decided she wanted to go with, which I welcomed, and I then felt a little bit better about having a way to get there and finding a place to stay. (Thank goodness for Airbnb!) It also meant I could plan a real trip that was more than just a day or two. It morphed from an “I will go to Austin and sleep in the car if I have too” to an actual road trip and vacay!

It ended up being the greatest trip I’ve ever taken. I’ve had some good ones.  This is a different category though. I’ve been to some really cool places and have seen some really cool things. I’m so grateful that I had those opportunities. This trip though. This trip was something I desperately needed. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until a day or two after we came back. I felt like me. I felt almost normal. I felt happy and lighter.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like myself. I know that may be hard to understand. It’s hard to explain. This trip tapped something in me that I was sure had gone completely away. It felt refreshing to be so excited about something. It’s been years since I’ve felt truly excited about something. It was the kind of excitement a 6-year-old feels on Christmas Eve (or the excitement I felt as a 25-year-old Christmas Eve, I loved Christmas. It was one of my favorite things and a thing I shared with my dad). It was the type of excitement that makes your heart beat faster and sets you on fire. Seriously, it’s been a long time. I didn’t think I could get that excited anymore.

Austin, though. It set me right. This tour and the treat of meeting two people I admire so much helped reset me. I think it helped to reset my relationships. It has exposed a side that most people aren’t familiar with anymore. It opened back up a part of me that I thought had died. A week out, I’m still working through the results of the trip. I feel like there are a lot. It was more than just getting to see my favorite internetainers live and meet them (more on that later because that’s a whole story itself!). It was an experience I will never forget. All of it.

I’m reset and it feels great.



via Daily Prompt: Fashionable  

(originally written October 4, 2017; sharing it {in a couple places again} because  my appointment got moved and I surprisingly still feel this way) 

I will be perfectly honest, I gave up the idea of being fashionable a long time ago. I have enough difficulty being myself so being fashionable hasn’t been something I hold in high regard. I like to look decent. I like to look put together. I do care about that. However, trends have never been my thing. I’ve tried but have failed. I would much rather be comfortable and feel like myself than forced into a look.

I’ve never been comfortable enough with myself, meaning my own skin, my being, to think I’m anything close to fashionable. I like being a little different and a little quirky, which has resulted in some interesting choices. Despite my lack in this area, I have always tried to have hair that is close to being on trend. I had a love affair with Sun-In as a young teen and regretted it. I’ve dyed my hair since I was 16. A task I did myself up until a few years ago. Then, I got highlights for the first time (I know like I said trends aren’t my thing. ) For almost a year, I’ve played with violet colors in my hair. However, as I sneak upon 30, I think it’s time for a change. Time to do something that makes me shake in my boots, a lot if I’m being perfectly transparent.

Tomorrow will most likely be the last time I color my hair to cover up my grey. Yes, I have grey and quite a bit of it. (Thanks, Dad, RIP VIP) A lot of it right in the front (Thanks, Mama, still love ya!) I started dying my hair at 16 because that was when I found my first grey hair and I was horrified. I kept coloring it because it is fun to experiment with different colors. Also, because grey hair is negative, to me and to my being. It’s something that supposes to happen when you’re 80, not 20. (Though most folks to have let their hair go grey, work it! It’s not that I feel negative about other people who have grey hair. I don’t. I feel negative about MY grey hair. My own grey hair is offensive to myself. I should probably see a counselor.) However, as is the case in most things, genetics are working against me. I’m also choosing to stop dying my hair to cover the grey because age is just a number. It’s just how many years I’ve been on this planet, it doesn’t completely define me. I can still be my mythical best *wink* and still have a ferocious determination to never completely grow up with grey hair. That’s what my dad did. Grey by 40 but still a kid at heart. Still discovering life and finding joy in it.

My hair color doesn’t determine the condition of my heart or mind. It’s all in how you work it! I want to see if I can. Plus, when it is grey and I get the urge to do it a fun color (which I think will be my hair color home from now on besides my natural color, no more traditional colors for me, it’s purples, pink, blues from here on out.) it will be easier! Yay! Maybe the grey hair is fashionable for a season but having grey hair and still be a kid at heart; that my friends, is a lifestyle. One I want to live.


The Broken Angry Heart

Recently, I experienced something new. While I’m always up for a new experience, I usually prefer to them to be happy. This new experience was not. It’s something I probably should have experienced before but I haven’t. I’ve experienced it in a minor way but what happened recently was a complete wrecking experience.

I’ve had my heart broken. Previously, I’ve just experienced heart chips but because of events that recently transpired, my heart is now shattered into lots of little, jagged, scattered pieces. It was upsetting on many levels. I still have a hollow and bewildered feeling. I didn’t understand how or know that hopes, desires, and relationships could be smashed like that. I didn’t understand how the brokenness could make itself visible and people didn’t seem to care. They just kept on. There was no wrestling on their part, they contributed to the heartbreak and it didn’t even matter. That made the breaking even worse. It made the pieces smaller. I had a hand in my heartbreak, too. I got prideful and set my vision on a dream and hopes that I thought were absolutely certain. They weren’t, proving that hopes shouldn’t be set on tomorrow.

My heart is not only broken, it’s also angry. I try not to get angry, well, I try not to let anger reside. Everyone gets angry, it’s a fact of life. I don’t like anger. I’ve been around anger that went unresolved for a long time and it’s difficult. So because of that, I made a decision a long time ago to just move on from anger. Well, I thought I was moving on from anger. Turns out, I wasn’t. I’m angry. It’s not a hot, violent anger. It’s a deep, nauseating, quiet anger. I thought it was something else. I thought it was just a lack of understanding or being too caught up in my emotions about situations. Nope. It’s anger. Not confusion. Not sadness. It’s anger that I don’t really even want.

It’s there though, sprinkled like glitter all over the pieces of the heart that I desperately want to be put back together. Anger glitter. That’s a funny concept but a concept I kind of like. It’s there but it’s not evident until the light hits it. Then once the light reveals the speck of it, it’s impossible to ignore. Anger glitter all over the pieces of the heart that was so sure of how things were going to be. That’s the truth. I was SO sure that things would work out the way I imagined they would. I was certain that for once, dreams were going to come true.

Well, they didn’t. Now, I’m left with a new experience that I’m not particularly fond of and new issues. Also, confusion. So much confusion. There’s this feeling of “Welp, I have these broken heart pieces and there is anger glitter (which is kind of maroon and brown colored…am I the only one that imagines anger glitter that way. Oh, it’s also tiny. Really fine glitter. I digress.) ALL over and I’m not 100% sure what to do now.” That’s where I am. Attempting to work through, resolve this anger and figuring out how long it takes a broken heart to heal isn’t easy. It’s real, though. These words are honest. So, I hope this can help someone.

That’s why I do this. That’s why I get this honest. Why be fake? Why put on a show? What is the point? There’s going to be someone who knows it’s not real. So, I will proudly show you the pieces and the angry glitter and the tears. As much as I hate crying and hate being down, I’ll let you see it. Because we owe to each other to be real. Don’t we?

How have you worked through your broken heart? What color do you think anger glitter is? How have you set yourself back up after being knocked down?

Let me know! Let’s learn from one another!



There is something about Fall. It’s weird. There’s something about the ushering in of pumpkin everything, leaves, browns, and oranges that bring a sense of calm. It does for me anyway. Fall is almost like a reset. School starts back, football is back (all the praise hands), there’s a chance that we’ll get some decent weather, and I might get to wear a sweatshirt. I love fall. I think it’s because there are so many positive things associated with Fall.

The major one being football. I love football. College football especially. We did college football right at home, especially when I was in college. If Louisiana Tech (My alma mater, alma mater, BABY!)  didn’t have a home game, we tailgated at home. We watched ESPN all day, ate all day, and then when it was time, we turned on the radio and listened to the Tech game because they were never on TV, bless ’em. I loved it! It was so much fun. When Tech was playing at The Joe, we were there. Early. We tailgated with friends and enjoyed the game and the band. We stood out in the rain (I did on several occasions. I love my team.) Those are great memories for me!

I also love Fall decorations. They’re so cozy and simple. Leaves are on everything. There’s also a lot of owls, which I love, foxes, squirrels, and deer on items. Everything features rich, cozy colors. It’s great. I didn’t realize I loved Fall decorations so much until recently. I love how inviting everything about Fall seems. It’s refreshing. It’s also difficult. I like cooler weather and being able to be cozy in blankets and drink apple cider, coffee, and hot chai lattes. Unfortunately, New Orleans doesn’t allow for a lot of that. I mean, I do drink a lot of coffee but that’s beside the point.My best friend and I spent our Labor Day shopping at Hobby Lobby.  First of all, I love Hobby Lobby. They have all of the decorations and they’re usually on sale so yes, please. I love a good sale.

It’s also difficult. I like cooler weather and being able to be cozy in blankets and drink apple cider, coffee, and hot chai lattes. Unfortunately, New Orleans doesn’t allow for a lot of that. I mean, I do drink a lot of coffee but that’s beside the point. There’s just something so special about Fall. It feels fresh and renewing. However, the opposite is happening in nature. Isn’t it? This time of year appeals to something deep within me.

Maybe it brings forth happy, loving memories. Maybe it is just the cute animals on all the things and the warm colors. I’m not sure. I just know that this year especially, I’m in love with Fall. Technically, it’s not even here yet. On the news, the other day they had that fall would arrive at 3:02 PM on the 22nd. How on the earth do they know that? How do they know that at exactly 3:02 PM Fall ushers itself in?

Creation is amazing. (PS Creation totally includes science so boom.)

I think I’ll welcome the Autumnal season personally. So if you need me at 3:02 PM on September 22, I’ll be outside welcome Autumn with something. Perhaps I’ll write a song or a poem. I definitely plan to wear a sweatshirt because I love those.

What’s your favorite season? Do you like pumpkin spice? (I don’t so don’t hate me.) What’s your favorite thing about Fall? What’s your favorite craft store?

Let’s make this a conversation!!


Well, I guess Summer has officially come to an end. Though the season itself isn’t over, the feeling of freedom is. The campus is full of folks, children are at the bus stops again, uniform ads are everywhere, and shelves are stocked with school supplies. Crazy! Summer seems to go by quicker when you don’t get to lay back and relax. I made no trips this summer. It’s kind of a bummer but I’m an adult and I have to work so I can do things I like. These things include eat and peruse the internet.

As this month draws to a close, it’s time to list the top 5 things I loved this month. I’ll admit it’s getting harder and harder to come up with 5 but I’m determined to keep this little series going. Plus, it keeps me writing which I enjoy. So here we go!

  • Quiet

The quiet was a new thing for me this summer. I’m used to summers filled with kids and parents. In my former life, as an Early Education teacher and administrator, summers were prime time. Kids were everywhere! There was lots of scheduling and corraling of kids. This summer, in my new life as an office manager, I experienced quiet. Slow quietness. It was a brand new thing to me. There’s not a flurry of registrations or chasing down parents to pay for their week of camp. There no planning for weeks of activities that involve water or booking things like snoball trucks and “”Zoo to You” experiences. It was quiet and solitude. I enjoyed it but it took some getting used too. I’m still not used to having a whole office suite by myself. I love my coworkers but I love being alone too, most of the time. I can’t help it. So experiencing a summer of quiet was a pretty refreshing.

  • Friendship

Have I written about this before? Probably. However, it’s still one of my favorite things. There’s something incredible about having a person in your life that you know you can trust and rely on. I hope they know they can rely on me. I love and appreciate being on a level with someone where they can just look at you and go “What it is?”. You might have everyone else fooled but that one person, they know. I’m so incredibly grateful to be involved in someone’s life and to experience things with them. It’s wonderful. There are so many benefits to it. To be known and genuinely loved by someone and for that someone to be able to put up with my crap, it makes my heart feel good. It’s nice to be loved. I realize I’m talking about the benefits for me but there are lots and I like them. So, there ya go.

  • Cheap Bouquets 

I love flowers and plants. I have about 10 in my house right now. That’s an inherited thing. My Mama and Meme (pronounced me me) gave the love of plants to me. I love buying myself flowers. This is only something I’ve started doing. It’s amazing how beautiful and cheaply you can get flowers. I love having flowers around the house. My preferred grocery store, Trader Joes’ always had beautiful flowers and I often just can’t help myself. I see them and I have to have them. It’s one of the joys in life, fresh flowers. Don’t be afraid to buy yourself flowers.

  • Glitter Gel Pens

Yes. Glitter gel pens. That’s one of the things I’m really glad to see make a comeback. I had a massive collection of gel pens. I loved them. The way they glide across the paper and how they came in so many varieties. Milky, neon, basic, and, of course, glitter. I recently purchased some gel pens for my desk at work, because you need a little fun everywhere in your life, and didn’t know they were glitter until I started writing with them. I expressed my excitement with an excited and shocked “Oh, my goodness.” which made my co-worker wonder what was going on. I quickly told him that the gel pens I was using were glitter and I didn’t know that and that I had just experienced an extremely exciting moment. It made him laugh, which I appreciated. Seriously, sometimes it’s just the little things. Little things like glitter gel pens.

  • 4-year-olds

Well, she’s almost 4. Probably once I let this post, she’ll be 4. Children are the best. The child I’m talking about is particularly special. She’s sassy and smart. She keeps you honest and makes you laugh. She loves dirt, snails, caterpillars, puppy dogs, kitty cats,  Magic School Bus, Tolls, and she can sing every word of the Moana soundtrack. She’s great. She started Pre-K this year and was an emotional day – for me. I don’t know how her parents felt about it (well, I do, I mean, we’re friends. Her mama is my best friend). I, as a friend, got to participate in the child’s first day of Pre-K. What an honor! She makes have to continue to keep up with what 4-year-olds like. It’s great! She wants me to play with her and hang out with her. It’s great to be loved and wanted. It’s great to see this girl grow and become this neat person. She’s got a lot to offer and I’m excited to see it. I’m so grateful to have her in my life. I’m thankful for her friendship and for the things she teaches me. Kids are fun. They keep you young and going.

So, that’s it! These are my favorite things for August. Got it in just under the wire! Whew!! Let me know what some of your favorites have been this month! Let’s learn from each other.